Soulmates

blog, goodbyes, love, nablopomo, nanopomo, nanowrimo, soulmates

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Saying goodbye is never easy. You’d think that my weekly goodbyes with him would get less painful as the months went on. Unfortunately not. It doesn’t seem to matter how much practice I get, it doesn’t get better. I can’t get used to it.

I know I’m only saying goodbye to him for a little while, I’ll see him again in less that a week. Yet each time I stand on that platform, each time I watch him step onto the train, each time I watch the train carry him off into the distance it’s as if a little part of my sould has gone away with him. It’s as if I’ve entrusted a part of my heart to him, to for and to cherish, a gift for him to carry around whilst we are apart.

When he is gone he is all I think about. He occupies my mind. ‘What is he doing right now? Is work going okay? I hope he got there safely. I know he was stressed yesterday…has that issue been resolved? I hope he’s eating properly – that he’s managing to eat veggies – I sound like a mother! I hope he’s happy…does he think about me this much too…?’ I imagine ways to surprise him – maybe I’ll bake something for him next time he visits. Perhaps I’ll buy him a new hoodie – I know the one hes got at the moment is getting a little bit old… Or I could get some photos printed for him!

Even if I had all of eternity, I doubt that I would be able to describe my love for him. It is constant and always on my mind. I didn’t know that it was possible to love someone so fiercely, so powerfully. I know that people probably doubt us, they think we’ll never last. We only knew eachother for three weeks before we starting dating, and even though we’ve been together for well over a year, I know that people are still dubious. They think our love is so much less than it is. ‘Give it another year or so, and they’ll end up like everyone else. They’ll never last.’

You might think that it’s too much of a cliché for me to say that this is different. That our love isn’t like anyone else’s, that it will pass any obstacles. But it is true. I know that it’s true. We were made for one another. We are soulmates.

A Blog About Blogging!

blog, blogging, nanowrimo

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Today I am going to, at the request of David, write a blog about blogging. (I didn’t know what to write about!) Okay, okay I’ll come clean. This WordPress blog isn’t the first blog that I’ve attempted to write. Over the years I have tried starting a blog on Blogspot, one on Tumblr, and I’ve even tried video blogging (or vlogging) on YouTube! They’ve never really worked out. In this post, I’m going to explore what may have prevented me from sticking with my previous blogs, and perhaps I’ll be able to avoid abandoning this one!

Firstly, I was too afraid to share my blog with my friends. I would type posts up on my laptop, upload them to the blog and then immediately delete any documents that I’d made, for fear that one of my siblings would find them. Sometimes I’d go as far as to delete my internet history! I treated my blogs like some dirty little secret, afraid that people would laugh at my opinions, my poetry, passions… Looking back I realise that it was all a bit silly really…

Secondly, I felt like my blog had to have one particular theme. Even when I started this blog, I did so having chosen one topic, with the intention of writing blogs solely about it. I felt like my blog had to be just about social justice, or just about fashion, or just about food. I felt like having a too varied blog would put people off and they wouldn’t want to read it. In hindsight, I realise how daft that was – I mean, who wants to read about the same thing every day? Who wants to write about the same thing every day? Variety is definitely a good thing; it’s what keeps people interested.

Thirdly, I often lost the ‘will’ to carry on. Like I said before, I never used to share this on my Facebook or Twitter. No one knew about it, and so no one cared. Alongside writing, I also love singing and I have a Youtube channel which I post song covers on. Whenever I upload a video I share it straight to my Facebook profile where my friends can give me feedback. If I don’t post a video for a couple of months, someone asks me why – it keeps me motivated. Although I don’t share this blog directly onto my Facebook page, I link it to my Twitter and other social networks that I use. Knowing that there’s a chance that my blog is being read by my friends and family (even if it is just my Dad!) makes me want to stick to this. I think that some people have a certain opinion of me, the opinion that I don’t see things through to the end, that I quit too early on. This time, it will be different! (Don’t they all say that..?)

Finally, I didn’t think that I was a good enough writer. One of the many reasons that I didn’t like to show my writing to my friends was because I thought that they would think that it was rubbish! It wasn’t just that I thought that they’d disagree with me or that they’d laugh at me for having a blog – how uncool! – I just had so much self-doubt in my writing ability. Regardless of the fact that I have an A-Level in English Literature and that I excelled in the more creative projects in class, I just didn’t have enough faith in my writing. It has only been more recently that I have realised that you don’t need to have a degree in English Literature or whatever to be able to write well, or to write something that other people are interested in.

I have spent too long caring about how other people would judge me, how my friends would react to me writing my daily thoughts and publishing them on the internet. A simple blog. Now that I’m slightly older and, dare-I-say wiser, I know that I just need to do what makes me happy, and writing is among that very long list of things that make me happy! If you enjoy writing but are afraid of what other people will think of you, I really do urge you to go ahead and write any way! Share it with a close friend or someone that you know who enjoys writing too. Ask for advice on how to improve and try to take any criticism that comes your way constructively – really try not to take it to heart. Good luck!

“L” is for the way you look at me…

blog, dating advice, looking for love, love, nanowrimo, relationships

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Starting a month long project can be daunting. It is day 7, and I feel like I could already be faltering – I’m only a week in! Thankfully my job is pretty mindless and I’m left with my thoughts so I can spend my days thinking about what I want to write about next. (My coworkers manage to give me daily ammunition with the disgustingly sexist and crude comments that they make! I have a feeling that there will be some anti-sexual harassment posts coming your way in the near future..!) Alongside the mind numbingly simple job I have, I have also had a good couple of hours after work/before my nightly Skype session with the boyfriend in which I can sit and write. Its very nice and I’m sure that once this month is up I will spend some of those hours reading instead of writing…what bliss it will be!

Today, my boyfriend is coming over. He lives in Leeds, so I can only see him at the weekends. The train journey can take up to two and a half hours, which probably isn’t the first thing anyone would want to do after a long day at work! Last week it was my mother’s Birthday, and so we decided that he should have a weekend to himself and I could spend a bit more time with my family…so he didn’t visit last weekend. *Sad face*. Therefore I am very excited to see him!

Whilst I’m on the topic of relationships, I would like to address an issue that a friend of mine has had. She recently asked me for some “relationship advice” (apparently having had one boyfriend in my life means I know what I’m on about..!) Basically, all of her friends are in relationships. Some are moving in together, others are getting engaged and some are even having children! She just feels that she is falling behind in the “dating game” or something. She feels like her friends have all deserted her; that they didn’t have time for her anymore. She thinks that they’re all so focussed on their significant others, that it is as if she doesn’t even exist any more! She hasn’t had a boyfriend before, but she’s never really met anyone that she likes enough to date.

I know that it’s easy for me to say this now, but for anyone feeling this way, “the one” will arrive, whether you’ve known them since your childhood, or whether you’ll meet them at the age of forty! Before I met David I really felt like I would never meet a man that I liked enough, and who liked me enough. I honestly believed that I was going to live out the rest of my life single, either living alone with an army of cats, or in a Convent. One of the two. I thought that no man would ever look at me twice, that I was too plain, that my sisters were just far more interesting. I was too shy to go out and meet people on my own, but when I went with others, it was if I didn’t exist – they over shadowed me.

In hindsight, I am really glad that no one was interested and that I waited for David to come along. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with having more than one relationship in your life, I’m just glad that I waited until now to have my first (and hopefully last!) It makes our relationship seem so much more meaningful to me. Neither of us are comparing the other to an old flame.

I guess I have one question. Why do we as a society base our self-worth and success so much upon our relationship status? So many people allow their relationships, or lack thereof to define them. I know that I did before I met David! Looking back I realise that it wasn’t until I was content and comfortable with the single life, that he came along. I wasn’t looking for anyone, and then he was there. I wasn’t flirting with every guy I met, hoping that perhaps they would return the action. I was myself. And when I met David, he met the real me. I had felt like I was falling behind in the dating game too, but in reality the right guy just hadn’t come along yet!

He/she will be worth the wait!

(I would also like to say, if you’re not interested in a relationship, then that is great too! My post is really more geared towards those who are looking for love, but I am aware that, that won’t be everyone who is reading this.)

Christmas #1

blog, christmas, nanowrimo

Christmas.images

Is it socially acceptable, for me to get excited yet? I’m not gonna lie, I’ve been looking forward to Christmas since probably the end of August..? I heard my first Christmas radio advert at the beginning September and Radio 1 (which is on all day at work) have been playing the occasional festive tune. Now that Halloween and bonfire night have both passed, I feel that it is acceptable for me to publicly announce my Christmas excitement!

However, as I sadly discovered, my excitement is not shared. *Sad face*. A couple of weeks ago, I was sat in the office on my lunch break and the radio presenter started to talk about Christmas shopping.

“Turn it off!” someone screeches from the other side of the room. “I will not listen to people talking about Christmas so soon! Any earlier than the middle of December is unacceptable!”

I just do not understand people’s aversion to the festive season. So what is it that causes people to hate the run up to Christmas? Lots of things, apparently.

Money. Lets not kid ourselves; Christmas is expensive. Hundreds and hundreds of pounds are spent on presents, decorations, food…and just for a one day event. (All the more reason to make it a multi-month-long event, eh?) Christmas has been so commercialised and focusses so much on the materialistic side of things. People start to forget about what Christmas is really about. (You know, baby Jesus…)

Enforced family gatherings. Christmas is the time of year when you are forced to see every single family member, from your Gran, to your second uncle-in-law three times removed – and your might not even get on with one another! For me, it isn’t a problem. The whole family really gets on well, and due to the extortionate amount of cousins, you can hide in the crowd – but for many families, having everyone under the same roof can be a bit of a nightmare..!

Congestion. The traffic is a nightmare; road accidents seem so much more frequent, probably because of my ice on the roads and the darker evenings, journeys home from work and school are often doubled, sometimes even tripled and the number of delivery lorries on the roads seem to increase tenfold!

The stress of shopping. Like the roads, the shops are crammed with hundreds of people who have all decided to do their last minute shopping at the exact same time. It really is a nightmare! Last year my mother took me, my sister and her friend to London to see David Tennant perform in Richard II, and we stupidly decided to stop off at Harrods. Worst mistake of the year. It was 10th December and Harrods was packed! (For some reason, they were also blaring weird dub-step music through the speakers which drove me mental!) I ended up standing out on the street talking on the phone with David! It isn’t even just the fact that the shops are busy either – people don’t seem to understand that standing like they’re a carefully arranged game of checkers, does not help the human flow. You can be walking along, and the person a couple of feet ahead of you will just stop. You bump into them with a crash and end up being the one who apologises profusely, as if you were the one who had caused human dominoes to occur!

Wishing the year away. Some people seem to think that by looking forwards to Christmas too early on is the same as wishing your year away. By anticipating Christmas from an early point, you’re not really living in the moment. You’re allowing the final couple of months to pass by without your notice. As if life isn’t already short enough!

The Religious side. Christmas is the annual celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. Over the years, it has distorted to something altogether different. It’s turned into more of a cultural holiday for non-Christians, and is really geared more towards the non-Christians (in my opinion). For some people, the small amount of religious tradition that Christmas has managed to cling onto is considered too religious, and for others, Christmas just isn’t religious enough!

Its ‘fashionable’. Everyone knows that one person who thinks that being a bit of a Scrooge is cool. They go around, posting on Facebook and Twitter, huffing and puffing about Christmas, about how people are too happy, the streets are to bright with lights, the decorations are too tacky. Why kill the joy?

Christmas is supposed to be a celebration (whether you’re religious or not). A time to spend time with family, to give and receive gifts, to show one another love and care! I’m sure that within a few days, I will have posted another blog similar to this, explaining why I personally love Christmas so much. Do you love or hate the run up? If you hate it, are there any reasons that I haven’t mentioned yet?

Look out for my upcoming blog on why I love Christmas so much!

Remember, remember, the 5th November…

blog, bonfire night, nanowrimo

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I’ve never really been much of a party goer. I’ve been drunk once in my life when I was 16, and I have never stepped foot in a club. So this time of the year isn’t really my cup of tea. Don’t get me wrong, I love trawling through Facebook and Instagram, seeing all of the amazing Halloween costumes that people have come up with this time around; I even made my sisters’ witch costume with her. But the actual going out part, the getting drunk part, the waking up on another continent part – it’s not really for me.

Tonight however, it is Bonfire Night – the day we celebrate the failure of the Gun Powder Plot! In my experience, this night has been much more of a family event. I love it! The fireworks are beautiful, turning the sky into a kaleidoscope of colour, lighting up the darkness. I used to get scared when the sparks rained down, thinking I’d catch alight! I love writing my name in the air, swirling my sparkler around and around; and then hearing that satisfying hiss when I put it safely out in the water.

The food is always great; Mum usually cooks massive quantities of chili con carne and we end up eating it for the rest of the month! Sitting outside in the freezing cold around a fire, wrapped up warmly in scarves and hats and wooly jumpers, fighting against the elements – for me, it’s just such a romantic scene…out of a film, almost. We usually try to convince Mum and Dad that it’s a good idea for them to let us toast marshmallows. Dad usually agrees!

I get this feeling that I can’t quite describe around this time of the year. An excitement, anticipation. The year is drawing to a close and new years resolutions will soon be made; Christmas is just around the corner (hurrah! now that Halloween is over, I can finally talk openly about my excitement for Christmas!) This time of year pulls me out of reality, somehow, and into a fantasy world that I wish I could live in forever. I wish that I could articulate exactly what I mean. It’s like a kind of nostalgia. Peace.

Time, please slow down!

blog, nablopomo, nanopomo, nanowrimo, writing

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This morning it hit me. It is November. It is the fourth day of the eleventh month! I can hardly believe how fast the time has flown, how quickly this year has tiptoed past me, without even catching my notice. It’s kind of scary, really. It feels like only yesterday that fifteen year old me was sat in a classroom, bored out of my mind and just wanting to grow up! To finish my GCSE’s, leave school, get a job – to get away from the bore of classes that weren’t art or music or drama. I thought that my maths homework was the hardest thing in the world and that school would never end. But it did.

I took a Gap Year which flew by – too fast. It was probably the best year of my life. I worked at the Oakes in Sheffield; we ran activity camps for 8-18 year olds and it was wonderful! I met some of the best people that I know that year, and even though I’m personally particularly terrible at staying in touch, I know that whenever I go to talk to any of them, it is as if no time has passed at all. Last week Jemma, my old roommate posted a photo of us with two other girls, commenting that it was a two year old photo! I just don’t know where the time has gone. I guess something good came out of my gap year ending – I met my boyfriend!

I went to University for three months after my gap year to study music. I soon realised that University was not for me; I mean I was bad enough at school, I don’t know why I thought that going back was going to be of any use! I’m glad I went. I know that if I hadn’t, I would have spent the rest of my life wondering. It was an experience if nothing else – it gave me a taste of independence, leaving a good flavour in my mouth (much to the despair of my parents…) Whilst I was there, David practically lived with me. He travelled down on a Tuesday evening after college, and then travelled back again on a Sunday night – I’d go to the station with him, and then drop in at church on the way back. It was wonderful. I was with the man I love.

I also got a job at the bar that was located right below my lectures. When I was working I’d be able to hear the concert band practicing, students learning their recitals and impromtu choir practices. Every face was friendly and familiar, I got to know third year music students, one even asking me to sing with her in her end of year recital! It was such a great job and I loved it. It might sound crazy, but working is one thing I’ve always enjoyed. Earning my own money and saving up for a nice ukulele or microphone, being able to buy my own sheet music, books and stationary! It’s something I excelled in. So I left.

Now, life is whizzing by and I can’t stop it. I know that I’m only 20 and I’ve got my whole life ahead of me – I get told that all the time. I just can’t help but feel that if I relax, if I start getting complacent about my life, I will just miss it. I won’t even realise it, and it’ll be gone. I want to write a sucessful book, find my dream job, perform in a professional musical performance, travel, get married, have children and then bring them up right…I guess I just want to make something of my life, and after realising how fast these past eleven months and four days have passed, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that my life will have been for nothing. That when it inevitably ends, all memory of me will die too. I’ll just be another soul that had the great privelage of walking the Earth.

Time, please slow down! You don’t need to fly so fast. Just float…

Where Can I Find The Time??

blog, nanowrimo, National Novel Writing Month, reading

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I am ashamed of myself. Last Christmas my wonderful boyfriend bought me six books. They were “Bridget Jones’ Diary” by Helen Fielding, “The Little Coffee Shop of Kabul” by Deborah Rodriguez, “Grimm Tales” by Philip Pullman, “Wuthering Heights” by Emily Bronte, “Dracula” by Bram Stoker and “The Hobbit” by J.R.R. Tolkien. I have read the grand total of one. One book. “Bridget Jones’ Diary” is the only book that I have managed to complete, and that took ten months! If you read my previous post, you’ll know that when I was younger I read an awful lot of books! Every spare minute was spent reading, but for some reason I just haven’t found the time over the past year to sit down and read. I’ve started books, but just not finished them – and not for lack of interest, either!

I have several hobbies. You might already know that I am a bit of a knitting obsessive; if I am watching the telly, or a film, or if I’m skyping David I’ll have a pair of needles in hand and I will probably be working on my most recent project. So long as the pattern isn’t too complicated, I don’t even need to look at my knitting and so multi-tasking is easy!

I also love art; for Valentine’s Day, David bought me a scrapbook which is something I like to work on when I get a bit of time. I’m filling it with photos, and movie tickets, and campsite reciepts – memories of our life together. I have so far filled the scrapbook up to…Valentine’s Day! I have a bit of a way to go..!

Music is life. I love to record covers for my YouTube channel, and I will occasionally make a bit more of an effort with editing – it can sometimes take up a whole afternoon! Sometimes I’ll create simple audio recordings and upload them to my Soundcloud instead.

And now I am working on my novel – I don’t really have any control when it comes to picking a time or a place with my writing. If I feel inspired or have an idea, I just have to write it down! The other night, I was drifting off to sleep and *BAM* – I had a thought! I had to search for my glasses, and then my notebook and with the aid of my phone’s light, scribble a couple of sentences down. Then came the task of falling asleep, ideas whizzing around my brain yet knowing that I had to be up at 6 the next morning!

So where does reading fit in? My working hours are 7.30-4.00 plus overtime, and I occasionally take a book into work with me to read, but that doesn’t always work out. Do I wake up earlier and have an early morning read? Or sleep later and run the risk of being tired at work? Do I cut my Skype calls short, or spend less time knitting? I really want to complete a couple more of my Christmas books before the next batch arrive next month! I know I’ll have to make small sacrifices somewhere in my life and I’ll have to make them soon.

Do any of you have this issue? How do you counter it? I’d really love to know!

I Love Writing

blog, nanowrimo, reading, writing

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I love writing. Ever since I could read I have wanted to write a book of my own. I would take a book in to school every day when I was younger – whether it was one of my own books, or one I was reading in class you couldn’t tear me away from it. During my break times, when everyone else was playing “Kiss Chase” or “British Bulldog”, I was sat on the wall with my nose buried in a book. The dinner ladies were my best friends, and they’d (have to) listen as I told them all about the world I was reading about at the time. I was a sensitive child and I thought that I was being bullied for a lot of my life – I’ll be honest, looking back, it wasn’t nearly as bad as it seemed. Although that didn’t make it any easier. Reading did. It would transport me to a magical world somewhere, a place where no one could hurt me.

I remember when I was about 8 years old, I started writing a short story about a servant girl who was born, lived, and worked in a Lord’s castle. The Lord was a good man, but his son was tyrannical, evil. He had this vendetta against the servant girl and did everything he could to make her life a misery. I think my eventual aim was that the son would start to fall in love with the servant. They would fall into this forbidden love, possibly get caught and banished from the land – but love would prevail! I illustrated the story and everything – I wish I could find it now, but I’d probably be too embarrassed to share it with you all anyway.

Back then, I wanted to be a published author, and that passion has never really waned. I read as much as I could, and I wrote as much as I could. I think the problem I had back then, the thing that held me back was that whenever I expressed a desire to be an author (or an actress, or a singer…) I was told that it was just unrealistic. “Authors rarely make the big time,” and “unless you plan on being JK Rowling, you’ll never be able to pay the rent!” Writing is really in my family. My sister, Hannah won a Creative Writing competition when she was (I think) 16, at Keele University; I believe that my younger sister and I have poems in an actual published book of selected poetry – full of poems written by school children; my oldest sister writes for a blog, who she also proof-reads essays for, freelance; my Grandad writes short little poems. Writing is really part of my DNA and I still have this desire to write and write!

Now, I am 20 and I have all of these ideas in my head that I just have to get down on paper! Short stories, poems and even novels come to my mind. I know that I was only told that writing is a difficult field to get into because it is true, and the people who told me only did so because they were concerned. However I honestly believe that with a little bit of persistance, anything is possible. Currently it is the National Novel Writing Month, otherwise known as NaNoWriMo. The basic aim is to write (and complete) the first draft of a novel. I plan on writing every day, whether it be a blog post, a poem, a book review or a bit more of my current writing project. It is supposed to take 21 days to form a habit, so writing a little bit every day for 30 days should really get me into the cycle of writing! Wish me luck, and if you are also wanting to write a little bit a day, good luck to you too!

NaNoWriMo, NaBloPoMo, NaNoPoMo…..

blog, personal

I have just realised that today is November 1st, the beginning of the many NaNo’s. It is currently 11:03pm, however I do not want to miss my the first post!

I guess I’ll just tell you about my day – you might not find it that interesting, so apologies! Unfortunately David isn’t down this weekend, which makes me sad – but for good reason! It is my Mum’s Birthday today, and he thought it would be nice for her to not have boyfriends milling around (and stealing my attention!) I was woken by Dad at 9am to take the Birthday presents through. Our family tradition is to wake said-Birthday-person with singing, present them with gifts and then make them breakfast in bed of their choice; Mum had croissants.

I was rather pleased with my presents for her this year. Usually she is impossible to buy for! She never gives anything away about what she wants, which makes it kinda difficult…I filled a photo album with a load of photos of her, got a photo of the two of us framed, and bought the latest Miranda Hart book – it looks brilliant! (…I’m not gonna lie, I really got it so that I could read it!)

Next, it was to the kitchen! Talitha and I were prepping the dinner. It was mainly Tilly really, I just peeled the carrots! She made chicken and bacon pie, which is probably my favourite dish. We then practised a couple of potential cover songs, and decided on one to put onto YouTube. (“Flume” by Bon Iver, if you’re interested!)

We had a couple of visitors throughout the day, all bearing gifts and cards, and we popped out for a couple of hours too. My Grandparents came over for dinner which was lovely. I drank several glasses of wine and champagne, and really could use my bed right now…but I am hoping to play a bit of minecraft with the boyfriend before I sleep! …and we all know that a bit, means several hours worth!

It’s now 11:58 and I should get this posted!! Sorry for the poor quality…I will try to be better!

My lovely world of knitting…

craft, knitting

Today I would like to share with you some of my little creations. As some of you will know if you follow me on Twitter, or if you’re a Facebook friend of mine, I love to knit. I’ve been knitting now for about 10 years. Of course, when I was 10 about all I could knit was a wonky scarf, or a patch of material to add to my ever growing blanket. However, at 15 I soon developed the ability to follow very simple patterns, knitting a coat hanger cover (?) for my Grandmother, and scarves that weren’t just a simple garter stitch! In fact, the other day I found my very first knitting magazine. I remember knitting a teddy bear which (if I remember rightly) had a very questionable looking tail! I’ll remember to position it better next time..!

Now, at the age of 20, after building up a rather impressive stash of yarn, and other knitting “essentials”, I have begun working on slightly more complex creations.

Since taking this, my collection has grown considerably!

Since taking this, my collection has grown considerably!DSCF2465Here is a Cowl that I knitted back in April…I was asked to knit three more of them for people at work!DSCF2559Here are the beginnings of a mug cozy…image…there were no mugs at hand to model it on!!

I have also attempted cardigans which I am yet to sew up, and I am currently working on my first ever piece of knitting for myself! A jumper. I think I will be sharing it with my boyfriend, as it is actually a mans jumper, but I’ve always wanted to knit an item of clothing, that isn’t a scarf, for myself.

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My first attempt at Fair Isle!

I began knitting a set of Fair Isle fingerless gloves for myself, which are currently on hold making way for Christmas presents…I have a feeling that not all of my Christmas present attempts will be ready for the 25th December, but I may as well have a go! (With 6 immediate family members to knit for, plus Grandparents…well, I really should have begun back in January!!)

I'd say I was getting better at knitted toys...

I’d say I was getting better at knitted toys…10446592_10152097041060807_5277868706819401262_n

No doubt I’ll share more about my knitting in the future, and I do plan on writing about the “taboo” of knitting – age, gender etc.. But for now, welcome to my world of knitting!

Here is a link to my knitting blog.