The weekend is just on the horizon – really!

blog, nanowrimo, Work

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Do any of you feel like all that you ever do is work? That all of your time is sucked into a never ending working week; the weekend never seems to arrive, and the nights fly past in the blink of an eye? You’re too tired to dream at night, which in return gives you the feeling of sleeplessness. When you do dream, it’s just…weird. Weariness is your companion.

I’ll bet that a lot of you are lucky enough to have varied jobs. Perhaps you work in a school where something new happens every day! You’re doing something you love, you’re inspiring young people, you’re doing good. Maybe you work in the media. That seems like it would be a rather enjoyable job. You radio presenters all sound like you’re having a whale of a time in your little D.J. booths, laughing away with the latest celeb that you’re interviewing. Not that I’m bitter or anything.

You are lucky.

Some of you will be just like me. We work in a factory, the lowest of jobs. In despatch. The most monotonous of work. Picking. Packing. Labelling. Repeat. What good are we doing? You’re colleagues are real bundles of joy, complaining about every little thing with their double standards.

Who’s in charge of health and safety around here? Can’t they get us a bloody ladder that doesn’t f•••ing feel like it’s gonna break on me??

Oh, so now we have to wear high vis’? And hard hats? I don’t want to wear those!

And their wonderful break time conversations. Perhaps, like me, you sit alone at lunch. You don’t fit in with that lot; they don’t like you and you don’t like their conversations. About women. About how women are incompetent. About how women’s feelings are irrelevant. How women are good for nothing – except for a good f–! Oh.

Maybe you want to have a real conversation, an intelligent conversation -one that doesn’t involve porn, sex or drugs. Perhaps you want to have your beliefs challenged, you want to learn something new, you want to expand your mind. But you can’t.

You live for the evenings – the short, short evenings; you live for the always distant weekends. But they never come for long.

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Time, please slow down!

blog, nablopomo, nanopomo, nanowrimo, writing

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This morning it hit me. It is November. It is the fourth day of the eleventh month! I can hardly believe how fast the time has flown, how quickly this year has tiptoed past me, without even catching my notice. It’s kind of scary, really. It feels like only yesterday that fifteen year old me was sat in a classroom, bored out of my mind and just wanting to grow up! To finish my GCSE’s, leave school, get a job – to get away from the bore of classes that weren’t art or music or drama. I thought that my maths homework was the hardest thing in the world and that school would never end. But it did.

I took a Gap Year which flew by – too fast. It was probably the best year of my life. I worked at the Oakes in Sheffield; we ran activity camps for 8-18 year olds and it was wonderful! I met some of the best people that I know that year, and even though I’m personally particularly terrible at staying in touch, I know that whenever I go to talk to any of them, it is as if no time has passed at all. Last week Jemma, my old roommate posted a photo of us with two other girls, commenting that it was a two year old photo! I just don’t know where the time has gone. I guess something good came out of my gap year ending – I met my boyfriend!

I went to University for three months after my gap year to study music. I soon realised that University was not for me; I mean I was bad enough at school, I don’t know why I thought that going back was going to be of any use! I’m glad I went. I know that if I hadn’t, I would have spent the rest of my life wondering. It was an experience if nothing else – it gave me a taste of independence, leaving a good flavour in my mouth (much to the despair of my parents…) Whilst I was there, David practically lived with me. He travelled down on a Tuesday evening after college, and then travelled back again on a Sunday night – I’d go to the station with him, and then drop in at church on the way back. It was wonderful. I was with the man I love.

I also got a job at the bar that was located right below my lectures. When I was working I’d be able to hear the concert band practicing, students learning their recitals and impromtu choir practices. Every face was friendly and familiar, I got to know third year music students, one even asking me to sing with her in her end of year recital! It was such a great job and I loved it. It might sound crazy, but working is one thing I’ve always enjoyed. Earning my own money and saving up for a nice ukulele or microphone, being able to buy my own sheet music, books and stationary! It’s something I excelled in. So I left.

Now, life is whizzing by and I can’t stop it. I know that I’m only 20 and I’ve got my whole life ahead of me – I get told that all the time. I just can’t help but feel that if I relax, if I start getting complacent about my life, I will just miss it. I won’t even realise it, and it’ll be gone. I want to write a sucessful book, find my dream job, perform in a professional musical performance, travel, get married, have children and then bring them up right…I guess I just want to make something of my life, and after realising how fast these past eleven months and four days have passed, I’m afraid. I’m afraid that my life will have been for nothing. That when it inevitably ends, all memory of me will die too. I’ll just be another soul that had the great privelage of walking the Earth.

Time, please slow down! You don’t need to fly so fast. Just float…